Monthly Archives: August 2016

Flowers

So I’m back in Salt Lake and I decided to put my high end floral design business back in order, as you do. I know nothing about floral design outside of my own innate and clearly unpolished sense of aesthetics, but of course. Zaq from Zaqistan once told me I operate like General Patton, in that I just go for it without a plan, which isn’t necessarily the best way to get certain things done. That’s another story, but I kind of think he’s right. I do not give a fuck but totally don’t doubt that I can pull it off, and if I don’t pull it off, fuck it, I tried.

Anyways.

We had to do this wedding for Andy, the drummer from Fuck the Informer, who happens to be my proverbial brother and someone I care about. Fuck man, I’m so tired and apparently going through a breakup at this exact moment and I don’t care and whatever, love hurts sometimes. She’s someone I could write a library about. That’s another story too. Regardless, I felt like I should share the text messages I just sent my mom, word for word.

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“Check this out.

So, Erik and I literally almost died from making flowers for Andy’s wedding. I had the brilliant idea of trying to make it as cheap as possible for him, giving him a multiple thousands of dollars wedding for almost nothing, which turned out to be $500 bucks. We “locally sourced” everything except the flowers for the bouquets (hence the real money), and we turned cinderblocks into containers that would likely cost $80-100+ each. So check this out.

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We started with these

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Gathering some of those hydrangeas with his daughter

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Staining stupid blocks

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Bags of pedals for pedal girl or whatever.

Clearly locally sourced sunflowers, done at 4 AM because we can’t keep working on these stupid bouquets this late but the pedals have to be done.

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Pre pedals

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Okay, this is what we have to work with. Notice the bamboo, which is filled with organic fiberglass shards that I’m apparently allergic to.

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“Locally sourced” from abandoned buildings

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Erik really doing the designing

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Pretty aggressive and expensive bouquets

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Whoa

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And look.

Mom, I swear, I really try hard at things, even if it doesn’t always show. Thanks for your support, it impacts more people than you know.”

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